Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
