Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
