Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
