i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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