I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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