great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize