I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My vagina is very pro this idea
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