We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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