He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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