do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
