4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
