Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
