actually, I'm a sock model
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
