Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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