youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
