he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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