I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
