Please, let me fuck your mom
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
