why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
