Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
