That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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