chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He passed out mid-signature
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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