just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He uses pillows to masturbate.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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