But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
