You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
