Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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