I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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