There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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