Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
