Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
