Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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