OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
