NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
