at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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