I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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