Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
