I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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