I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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