I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
