totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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