thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
