i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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