ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
