Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
