yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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