So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
