I'm going to jail i love you
i would punch a child for taco bell
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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