next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
