We named our party play list daddy issues
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
