Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
