I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
