i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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