it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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