Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
