Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
