Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
