grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
