Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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