I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
