i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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