and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
