Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
