Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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