My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
