Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
