Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
