Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
