im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
