Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
