Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
