Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
