Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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