I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
