Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
