We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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