if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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