I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
