so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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