Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
